Beautiful, Emotionless but somehow Angsty
by Xx.Toxic.Little.KisseS.xX
Summary: Crack-fic, contains the overused title as a phrase, a horny CaitSith and banana-cucumber pudding -STRIFENTINE CRACK-
1. Part One

**Disclaimer:**I dont own Final Fantasy nor do I get any money...ill still be as broke as when i started.

This was written for my friend Jacqui cause shes the bestest ever. Thankies for being there sweets!

**To Jacqui,**

With love and Cookies

**Jaffa**

**x.o.x.o.x.o.x.o.x**

The wind whistled through the sparkly 'I-glow-in-the-dark-do-_you-_glow-in-the-dark?-trees'...well, it would if it had lips anyway.

Vincent Valentine let the lip-less wind brush his hair from his face but didnt move. Remaining beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty. The moon shone above (cause theres no point it shining below is there?) and a thousand pretty stars twinkles around it.

Suddenly, abruptly and out of nowhere, theres was roar (more like a delapidated splutter) of Clouds ever present bike furrier. Err, scratch that-Furriest...thats not right either...oh, who cares anyway!

In a very sudden and completly mind melting time lapse the blond swordsman was in front of the older man, face eerily (cause i like that word) close.

"BOO!" He shouted after a moment, silencing bugs and insects alike.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

Cloud raised a hand slowly before quickly poking him between the eyes. "Vinnie!"

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

"Wow, annoying narration lady dude." Cloud commented to the sky moodily. "What do I do _now? _"

Jaffa rolls her eyes. 'Call Cid, call Cid.' She sent in mental waves.

"Call who? Reno?"

'No! Not Reno!' Jaffa reached for the delete key but -swish!- the phone was already out and dialling.

Another very sudden and completly mind melting time lapse later Reno is standing beside Cloud, wearing hot pink teddy bear PJ's and oversized bunny slippers with a teddy bear under one arm. "Huh, yo?" He asked.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

Cloud rolled his eyes and turned to face the red haired turk. "Omg, nice shoes! Ive been looking for ones just like that." Cloud confessed, mind shifting off subject.

Reno looked down and seemed about to comment when Vincent shifted, placing his weight on one side and crossing his arms. All eyes turned to him, and Reno somehow subconciously realised why he was here. "He's in angst mode again isnt he, yo?"

"Yup." Cloud responded easily. "Hasnt moved since I got here."

Reno poked his arm in test, and almost giggled when the gunman didnt react. Almost giggled because men dont giggle you see. "Here we go again." He chuckled. There, see? Chuckling is a manly thing to do. "Yo." He added in afterthought

"Every time you see him like this you get so excited." Cloud reminised. "Last time you drew all over his face."

Remembering what Vincent had looked like with 'Reno was here' and 'I am a pretty princess' all over his face had Reno chuckling again. "Good point, yo. What do we do this time? What can top that?"

Vincent inhaled slowly, wondering if being emotionally retarded all the time was really worth it sometimes.

The pair looked Vincent over, regarding the older man like a specimen in a jar (Hojo flashbacks anyone?). Suddenly Clouds mako-blue eyes lit up with frightful mirth, an idea almost readable on his iris'. Then he said (imatating my fav ugly green guy cause my mum forced me to watch Star Wars _again_.) "An idea I have, come with me to Fernir you must."

Reno raised an eyebrow but followed him out of Vincents eyesight.

Silence prevailed as Cloud dramatically paused at his bike, hands poised above a bright blue buttons with the initals WD on it. Slowly he lowered his 'pushing finger' and then, well he pushed it, i mean, duh. With a small whirring noise a small storage place popped out of the space under the seat. With a triumphent noise he thrust it into the Turks hands.

Renos unraised eyebrow copied the others movements. He opened the box slowly. "Whats this, yo?" Then realisation hit him like a ton of bricks (though Cloud either ignored or didnt see the large lump that grew on the top of Renos head. "Why do you ha-"

"Shuddup!" Cloud pouted. "Tifa put them in there, said I never knew when I would need them again."

Reno gig-err, chuckled again. "Again? I would pay big bucks to see you in this Cloudy boy."

Cloud blushed a furious shade of red. "Shuddup!" He demanded. Then calmed with a manical grin. "How much would you pay to see him in it?" He asked, thrusting his thumb back at the pale gunman.

Realisation hit Reno again, (It really must have something against him) creating a second lump on top of the first. His face almost split in two (He may need stitches) with his wide smiled grin. (I will do my best to stop adding these insane brakets...maybe.)

Vincent seemed not to have heard them, remaining beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty. He didnt shift in the least when the two men snuck up spy-style behind him, holding a horrendously purple garment between them. Nor did he make comment when they threw it over him. He scuffled a bit when the fluffly brown cloud off dirt hid him from view as they struggled to put it on him, but they cant prove that...can they?

Some how they came out of that unscathed and as clean as before...With exeption to Reno who had yet another lump on his lump(...that sounded wrong..._Mwahahahaha_). The turk rubbed the spot. "Dude, did you _have_ to hit me, yo?"

"I didnt hit you!" Cloud countered, sticking his tongue out for emphasis.

"Did to!"

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

"Naha."

"Yeha."

**"SHUT IT AND GET ON WITH THE DAMN FIC!"** A loud booming voice rang out through the clearing, silenceing bugs and insects alike. (Who were not very pleased with the _second_ interuption to their misrable little nights, let me tell you).

"Ouch, A mozzie just bit me, yo." Reno exclaimed, slapping his neck.

Cloud raised an eyebrow. "Are there even any mozzies on this planet?"

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty. Cloud gritted his teeth at the words but turned and regarded the 'Vampire' in the frock.

"I think its missing something..." Cloud commented.

Reno looked Vincent over. "What but...yo." This time Reno was ready, he fought against realisation, dodging and weaving against its powerful blows.

**TBC...**

Yayness, here the first installment, more on its way when I can finally see my muse again!


	2. Part Two

**Disclaimer: **See Chappie one, it applies here too.

**Warnings:** A kiss. The word Fulufel-Tufel. Reno OOC (i fix :p), Jaffa-ness. There is no other word.

**To Jacqui,**

Next instalment Cause I promised, and your the coolest. Sorry its so late!

**Love,**

**Jaffa**

**x.o.x.o.x.o.x**

The blonde swordsman moved away slowly, fearing insane was contagous. He bumped into Vincent, whos eyes were on the Turk too, but wasnt moving...of course not...that would ruin the mood wouldnt it?

Finally outmanouvering realisation, Reno rummaged through his pockets, pulling a small golden tube from his pocket. "Tada!" He exclaimed with dramatic pose and all.

Clouds brows furrowed as he tried to work out what the small silver object was. "A vibrator?" He guessed with a perculiar look at the redhead.

Reno began to cough violently in surprise. While he was gasping out of breath on the floor Realisation took the oppertunity to sneak up, pounding him on the head for the previous insubordanation. Current choking and hysterical laughter stopped him from telling the blond what the mysterious obect was so instead he threw it to him and continued rolling in the dirt.

Cloud caught it on reflex, grimicing when he thought were it could have been, then finally looked at it. "Lipstick?"

If he hadnt been staring so intencly at the small object in his hand he would have seen the breif look of fear cross Vincents face. As it was he only looked up in time for the older man to see the sadistic grin on the blue-eyed-beauties face.

Reno stood calmly, brushing dirt from his jammies and searching the ground for his plushie.

"I dont think I want to know why you have lipstick in your PJs." Cloud commented as he moved towards the gunman, the sadistic grin not leaving his face.

"And I dont want to know why you have a dress in your motorbike, yo." Reno agreed with a shudder. "I wont say anything if you dont."

Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty. Though he did shift his weight slightly when Cloud was a whisper away from him. With a dramatic 'POP!' the lid seperated from the lippy's torso.

Vaugly the ex-Turk wondered where that stupid Realisation, or even that lip-less wind ran off to, he could really use some help. He didnt move though.

Sadistic grin? Check. Decending tube of lipstick? Check. Reno? Check.

Suddenly Vincent yelped and ran for it, totally breaking off from his plan and running, limbs flailing wildly as he went.

With a shout the others chased after him.

Seeing Cloud run pass and mistaking him for a super smexy chocobo female two oversized blacks joined in for the chase.

-insert Chocobo theme song-

Vincent, complete with purple frock ran passed Fernir. Reno, complete with pink fuzzy slippers ran passed Fernir. Cloud, complete with two feathered fanboys ran passed Fernir.

By now, if Fernir were actually alive or sentient in any way shape or form he would have either died of laughing, or died of shame. Either way he wouldnt have stayed alive very long. (Or at all...)

"Reno! Throw the bear!" Cloud called in suggestion as he ran.

"Mr. Fulufel-Tufel?" Reno whined. "But hes my bay-be, yo."

The entire train of racers stopped stock still, turning up to face the narator. Huh?

"Fulufel-Tufel?" Cloud asked.

"Bay-be, yo?" Reno added.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

-Insert Jaffa's special laughter, mwahahaha-

The chocobo's screamed with fright and bolted, reminding Vincent what he was doing. Just as the gunman turned to run though 'Fulufel-Tufel' (giggle) hit him square in the back of the head.

Cloud leapt into the air Toyota style. "Great throw Turk-ey."

Reno blinked in surprise at the new nickname, then scowled. "Why does it feel like Jaffa's on crack, yo?" He muttered as he padded forward to retreive his stuffed toy.

Cloud jogged to catch up, just catching Vincents angst-filled groan. Moving passed the Turk who was enthuisiastically brushing all traces of dirt from his plushie. The blond tugged Vincent until he could assess the limited damage, then straddled the older man loosely. His sadistic little smile returned and so did the cherry pink lippy.

"Pucker up Princess." Cloud hummed.

Reno rolled his eyes. "Sheesh Jaffa, you really are baka if you think tha-" And with a pop the Turk known as Reno was gone. Lets call it a little retraining. (Whip Crack)

Vincent and Cloud didnt even notice the red haired man was gone, still in a staring contest to end all staring contests.

The lipless wind chose now to make a comeback, tugging at the fighters hair and speading goosebumps over Vincents bare arms. Suddenly it seemed Clouds' face was oh-so-very close to his and he felt his eyes water, threatening to close.

Clouds eyes watered too because Realisation hit him on the head over there positions. He felt a vein begin to twitch and sweat began to drop.

Red flickered, Blue flashed. Red strained, Blue...

Ah, Cloud couldnt take it anymore, eyelids slambing together, pretty eyelashed fluttering across pale skin. He groaned slightly, imagining the smirk Vincent would have. But when he opened his eyes he was shocked.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

Slowly the sadistic grin crept back onto his face, though he hurriedly ducked his head to hide it. He shifted to turn to the side, unwittingly leaning his hand in a _very_ tender place.

Somehow Vincent remained unresponcive, much to his own delight. Cloud slowly turned back, head still lowered. "Pucker up Princess." He repeated.

The bugs and insects were still silent, this time in awe.

He wouldnt have...would he?

Brilliantly blue eyes peeked up through blond bangs coyly. They blinked softly.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty. Inside though fear and lust fought for dominance.(Though greed and envy do it better).

Cloud shifted his weight again, straddling the older man more securely. "Vinnie, your not making fishy faces." He scolded, hand running across a soft cheek. "Why wont you kiss me?"

He leaned close, face still obscured by hair that the lipless wind was currently toying with gently. His breath ghosted across Vincents lips. His hand moved into beautiful raven locks.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow ansgty...just...

Cloud leaned closer, face closing in and just as his lips touched the man beneath hims'-

**WACACK!**

(Cause 'wack' just wasnt good enough.) A huge hot pink parachute fell on top of him.

"Cause im the great ninja Yuffie!"

**TBC...**

I know, im ebbil, thats why you love me right? More on its way. -Yawn- Its sooo late. Love ya heaps hun, your the best. Hope this kiss and Coy little Cloud made up alittle for lateness. -huggles-


	3. Part Three

**To Jacqui,**

**A mountain of hugging emoticons,**

**Love,**

**Jaffa**

**x.o.x.o.x.o.x**

"Cause im the great ninja Yuffie!" Yuffie exclaimed.

Cloud struggled with the hot pink parachute draping over him. Beneath him Vincent was also struggling, though more with the blond swordsman draping over him then the klepto ninja and her bloody parachute.

There was a bit off a scuffle as they all righted themselves again.

"..." Vincent remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty.

Cloud rolled his eyes, finally freeing himself from the material and thrusting it into Yuffies' hands. "What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded, a little miffed his kiss had been ruined.

Yuffies eyes widened and her grin followed suit. "Why are you wearing lipstick?" She asked slyly.

Vincent suddenly yelped, a hand immediatly going to his lips. Cloud grinned as the ex-Turk looked in horror at the colour on his hand.

Yuffies grin pratically covered her face, teeth sparkling eerily with the light reflected from the Glow-In-The-Dark trees. "You were _kissing_ werent you!" She giggled, bouncing from foot to foot. She suddenly leaned towards them, poking Cloud in the shoulder. "Do it again." She demanded.

Cloud shook his head. "I was trying to get him to wear lipstick." He assured her. He turned back to the older man. "I guess your not in angst mode anymore then?" He asked as the raven haired gunman wiped the lipstick from his mouth.

He slowly crossed his arms, forgetting for the moment that he was still wearing that extreemly purple frock. "You didnt have to let Reno get this far." He accused, leaving out the '_or kiss me!'_

Cloud heard it anyway and threw him another coy smile, though he was careful Yuffie didnt see.

"Why are you here?" Vincent asked, ignoring the blonds' actions.

Yuffie got a slightly far-away look in her eyes.

"Oh crap." Cloud muttered. "Jaffa's adding a damn flashback."

**xP - FLASHBACK - FLASHBACK - xD**

_"Hey Cid." Yuffies' voice singsonged through the airship._

_Cid shuddered and searched around frantically for a hiding place._

_"Ohhh Ciddie!" She called again, voice sounding closer. "Where are you?"_

_'She cant find me here!' Cid thought triumphently, wedging himself further into the small spot between the wall and a huge cargo box._

_"AHA!" Yuffie shouted suddenly. "I can hear your thoughts!"_

_'No way, she couldnt...' Cid thought in terror._

_"Oh yes I can!" She cooed._

_"You can not you little brat!" Cid shouted, leaping out of his hiding place to accuse her._

_She grinned and her eyes twinkled. "I was wondering where you where Ciddie." She squealed with sadistic delight._

_"Why?" Cid groaned with all the desperation of a dying man. (Damn im in a weird mood xD)_

_"'Cause I am soooooooooo bored!" She bounced, leaping into his arms. "Entertain me!"_

_"No." Cid denied, dropping her onto the floor._

_She let out an undignified squeak ('cause honestly Yuffie could not be called dignified in any sence of the word.) and leapt onto her feet._

_"Entertain me, entertain me, entertain me!" She chanted, stomping her foot down for good measure._

_Cid ground his teeth, continuing his dramatic stomp away. He ended the march at the Shera's helm. Yuffie suddenly appeared next to him. "I know! Your taking me to see Vinnie-boi and Cloudy!" She beamed._

_Cid brightened at the idea of palming the ninja off on someone else._

_"Then we can all have a big picnic and play dressups! You would look sooo cute in a saloir outfit Ciddie!"_

_Cid dimmed. "I dont even know where they are." He sidetracted. "Mr. 'Dark-and-gothic' Is never in the same place twice and 'Princess Cloud' is most likely on a delivery."_

_Yuffies eyes took on a somewhat narrator glow. "They Are In The Forgotten City By The Glow In The Dark Trees." She prophesised. "And The Lotto Numbers Tonight Are 12, 21, 9, 6-"_

_Cid, not being the brainiest beetle in the basket of bugs and insects tuned out before listening to the end of the kleptos' sentence. _

_In a completely illogical yet still mind melting time lapse later, the oversized airship was hovering over the before mentioned trees. _

_"LOOK!" Yuffie screamed over the loud engine (surprisingly not hearable on the ground...) "I SEE VINNIE I SEE CLOUD! I SEE RENOS'-" But before she could finish Cids' hands were on her back. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed as the floor rushed up to meet her. "IM GUNNA DIE! AND IVE NEVER EVEN PLAYED STRIP POKER!AHHHHH-"_

_Wait. _

_**-PAUSE-** (Insert Parachute conveniently placed on the girls' back) **-OK, CONTINUE-**_

_Yuffie landed with a 'Wacak!' on top of something surprisingly soft._

_"'Cause im the great Ninja Yuffie!" She exclaimed._

**(: - END THE DAMN FLASHBACK! - :)**

Cloud jerked awake at the sharp nudge to his ribs to see Yuffie coming too from her little flash back.

"Huh?" The blonde muttered. "What did I miss?"

"Mindless Drivle." Nanaki (also known as Red Xiii) commented, padding out from behind Fernir. "It was just the product of the Authors need to fill in space because she has no clue what to write next. Quite pathetic re-"

And as quickly as he had appeared Nanaki was gone. Lets call it a vacation. (whipcrack)

"Thats why im here." Yuffie beamed, snapping out of her drowzy pre-flashback daze. "and 'cause im the great ninja Yuffie." She added in afterthough.

Vincent sighed, and slowly crossed his arms.

"I know! Lets go to the dusty deserty place on the outskirts to midgar where I hold my weekly angst-over-Zack ritual!" Cloud commented, puching the air. Which was nasty and really un called for but _meh_ Cloud was the Planets Hero after all.

Without waiting for anybodies consent (does that make it rape o.0) The scene behind then shifted to the far-off ruins of midgar and the sword stabbed into the ground.

"..." Cloud remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

Vincent raised an eyebrow.

Yuffie bounced cause she could.

Vincent lowered his eyebrow. "Shit." He swore.

Yuffie lept into the air toyota style. "Prepare for OOC-ness!"

"Even more than up to now." A sinester voice added and a low rumbling cackle filled the air.

**x.o.x.o.x.o**

**Authors Note:**

Yay for finishing the next bit. I feel special. Hope you like babe!


	4. Part Four

**To Jacqui,**

**Boom Baby! I actually got this out of my head!**

**Love,**

**Jaffa**

**x.o.x.o.x.o.x**

_"Even more than up to now." A sinester voice added and a low rumbling cackle filled the air._

Vincent tenced and reached for his gun but Yuffie was still stuck in the air. She tried to squeak in objection but the air around her was still in the toyota-add like state.

"..." Cloud remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

Their was silence for a moment before; "Put away your pee-shooter boy." Came the voices advice. "It will not break through my..." Cait Sith burst out from behind the sword firmly implanted in the ground, striking poze. "SURPEME AURA OF KAWAII ENERGY!"

Silence...then the bugs and insects (who had followed them from the forest) began to giggle and snigger and sniggle without restraint.

Yuffie gigglesnorted. (yes. gigglesnorted)

Vincent raised a dark elegant eyebrow. "Kawaii Energy?"

Cait Sith waggled his eyebrows suggestively and twitched his tail. "I know you love it Vinnie-kuns. Dont pretend other wise."

Yuffie broke from the trance and hit the ground with a thud. "ROFL!" She cried and procceeded to laugh as she rolled back and forth in the dust. (Ive been on MSN too much again, sigh)

Cait Sith just smirked as Vincent blushed pink.

"...!" Cloud remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

All eyes turned to him. Cait Sith didnt have eyes, but his head turned in the appropriate direction.

"Does anyone have a spare dress on them?" Vincent asked.

Yuffie stood, brushing the dust from her outfit. "Cid borrowed all mine ages ago." She confessed matter-of-factly.

A collective shudder shook the Planet at the mental image of Cid Highwind in a yuffie-style dress. Cloud the only exception, thanks to amazing control he had never shown until right then. (or something)

All eyes (bar Cloud who was angst-mode, and Cait Sith, who you already know doesnt actually HAVE eyes) looked Vincent over.

"_Your_ still in costume." Yuffie commented.

Cait Sith looked on in badly hidden intrest. "Princess Valentine." He grinned, mockingly bowing low.

"..." Cloud remained beautiful, emotionless but somehow angsty.

Vincent ran his hands down his dress, brushing dust off it. "I cant get it off." He confessed. "Its caught."

Yuffie giggled and bounded over to help him. Cait Sith cocked his head to one side, then turned back to Cloud. He grinned broadly, plan gathering inside his oh-so-mechanical brain.

The bugs and insects silenced immediatly, their breaths held in anicipation.

The robotic plushie stalked over to Cloud as Yuffie tugged on the frocks zipper. "She seems to be enjoying herself." He thought aloud. "So does he."

Vincent was frowning, twisting in an attempt to get the somewhat spastic ninja (who had given up on tugging the zip down, instead clawing it like an enraged cat) of his back.

"..." Cloud remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty.

The lipless wind brushed past them, tugging at them all. "Perhaps you dont care that your boyfriend is enjoying someone else taking off his dress."

Vincent was struggling with the ninja violently, making a growling noise as she slapped and scratched at the zipper. Cloud shifted his weight.

"He is your boyfriend isnt he?" Cait Sith inquired. "Though all the time he spent cuddling up that ninja...maybe not."

Cloud shifted weight again, the bugs and insects in the trees and bushes giggling at the blond, whos mind was currently to destracted.

"Oh my, are they going to do it HERE? In front of us?" Cait Sith asked with mock alert.

Vincent had fallen to the ground, wiggling in attempt to disconnect Yuffie from his back. She didnt seem to take the hint, and continued to attack the zipper with mindless abandon.

"..." Cloud reamained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty. But his foot began to tap, showing his inner turmoil.

"Ahhh! Nearly there!" Yuffie squealed.

"Wow, she climaxes fast." Cait Sith commented conversationally.

Vincent writhed faster.

"..." Cloud remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty. Though his grip tightened around his sword and his eyes were clouded with more rage then angst. He didnt seem all that emotionless all of a sudden.

"SO CLOSE!" The ninja screamed.

"Reall-" But before the somewhat evil plushie could finish Cloud took off running.

"MINE!" He shouted as he ploughed through, tearing Yuffie from Vincents back and throwing her before tossing Vincent over one shoulder and running off into the trees that magically appeared out of nowhere.

"OOWWWWWWW!" Yuffie shouted. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!" Then she bounded to her feet and patted herself clean. She put a hand on her hip and pouted at the air. "No fair, I was just trying to help."

Cait Sith weighed down the possibilities. He had blown his chance with Cloud, misjudging things and all. He looked up at the woman now tossing a ball of materia she had swiped off Vincent.

"Hey Yu-" He began but she turned with a determined look in her eyes.

"Lets go make out." She demanded, grabbing him by the tail and putting him on her hip.

"Err, ok-" He began but was interupted as she scratched his ear and headed off to another completely different setting.

x.o.x.o.x.o

Yay! There we go darl, I actually finished this one! Took me ages, I apolagise. Sorry dear. Now I just have to figure out the next one --


	5. Part Five the end

_**To Jacqui,**_

_I hate that its so late, 'cause your the bestest ever! Make a voodoo-doll of me and stick multiple pins into it for your revenge!!!_

_(ouch)_

**x.o.x.o**

_"MINE!" He shouted as he ploughed through, tearing Yuffie from Vincents back and throwing her before tossing Vincent over one shoulder and running off into the trees that magically appeared out of nowhere._

The sky was twinkling with bright stars, the moon a pale cresent in the dark sky. Bugs and insects flew over the sky lazily, a few even glowing as they played.

Cloud put Vincent down slowly, blushing so violently that the lipless wind wondered if he would die from bloodloss.

"Can I put it down to a bad reaction to Kawaii Energy?" Vincent inquired, brushing down his dress.

Cloud pondered.

Vincent wondered.

Cloud concidered.

"Well?" The ex-Turk(ey) asked.

Cloud opened his mouth to respond before a loud crash echoed through the forest-thing they were currently in. He hurriedly rushed into the general direction, more to get away from the question then to possably save someone from impending doom. What? He was allowed to be selfish every once in a while, so nyeh!

Running through the un-glowy trees (that were snooty despite their lack of glowie-ness) was quite boring and uneventful, though Vincent tripped over his dress a few more times then his pride was happy with and Clouds hair got stuck in quite a few branches.

Suddenly they burst (or stumbled, as it where) into a random clearing that they just knew the noise came from... somehow...

Cloud pulled the newest victim of his gravity-defying hair free and threw it to the ground. He turned to survey the area, trying to find the cause of the noise.

Vincent was not impressed by the distration of his interrogation. In fact he was rather unimpressed. I know, he sent me hate mail.

The lipless wind suddenly decided to make itself useful (and stop a complete character strike) and it brought the completely odd and random smell of pudding to their attention.

As if that meant something important, the ex-Turkey and the kindaalmostnotreally!ex-SOLDIER ran off in that direction, though when he stubbed his toe on the branch he had preiviously pulled from his oh-so-gravity-defying-hair Cloud kinda looked like he was skipping daintily.

They stopped. Or Cloud did, and his back halted any further motions for his now dazed and confused friend... yes, _friend _(a pause as Jaffa bursts into loud and unneeded giggling, with bursts of '_YEAH RIGHT!_' thrown in for good measure.).

"Not again," Cloud groaned.

"Again?" Vincent asked, as though he wasn't usually the one to know all this before hand, and conveniently choose to open up at the most cliche'd moment.

"There is only one person who I know that eats the flavour of pudding we are smelling," Cloud informed him in a hushed tone, "he's tall and strong and... anohemgeetotalbishie," he trailed off with a cough.

Insert blank looks all around.

"Sephiroth, dah!"

"Ohhhhhhh," the gunman began, then a pause (in which Cloud squirmed), "how do you know what flavour pudding Sephiroth eats?"

"He always tast-" Cloud froze mid sentence, looking up into the conniving ex-Turkey's face.

The many bugs and insects (who were beginning to form an arial movie theatre, complete with mini popcorn) began to ROFL and LTAO (which was both messy and most likely painful) at the blond's brilliant blush.

Then Sephiroth got sick of damn waiting for the friends (jaffa again giggles hysterically) to finish their moment of blush-and-smirk before he burst (in a much more pretty and dramatic way then anyone else could ever pull off) between them and paused poetically.

Vincent hesitated breifly.

Cloud swooned slightly.

Vincent envied much-ly...

Sephiroth remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty.

"OH SH!T NO!" Cloud cursed, still looking oh so bishie despite his T-rating mouth.

Vincent took the oppertunity to sniff the air, "what flavour pudding is it anyway?" he inquired.

"Banana-Cucumber," the blond informed him.

Collective gag, who all but Sephiroth (as he was to beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty) and Cloud (who had 'tasted' the flavour to many times to not be used to it) hurriedly complied with.

Random popcorn bits flew everywhere as the bugs and insects laughed at there own collective gagging.

Sephiroth remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty.

Vincent looked the anohemgeetotalbishie over, still enving much-ly (because friends _always_ get jealous when there friends 'taste' other anohemgeetotalbishie and the pudding they always eat), and idly asked, "so do you think Jaffa will give us some sissors?"

Despite his slight swoonage, Cloud managed an unbiased and completely true assumption, "even she wouldn't dare defy the Sephiroth-bishie hair thing going on there."

Pouting, Vincent silently agreed.

Silence decided it hated Vincent Valentine, but upon second thought realised he still just really-really-really hated Jaffa for getting it involved.

Sephiroth remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty.

"I have the feeling Jaffa will continue on with this until the day she dies," Cloud confessed dispairingly.

"Why does she torture us so????!?!?!?!?" Vincent cried in a completely OOC moment of complete OMG-ity.

Sephiroth remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty in a really loud and very pointed way.

"Ohhhhhhh," Cloud realised (and looked oh-so-kawaii as he did it).

Vincent raised an eyebrow, and the blond blushed, so the gunman raised another.

"Its about... my reaction to Cait's kawaii energy," he confessed in a completely endearing and fidgity way.

"And that means?" Vincent asked, wishing he had more then two eyebrows.

Sephiroth remained beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty in a total school-girl eaves-dropper kind of way.

Cloud fidgited some more (and it was adorable) before blurting out," IthinkyourtheabsolutemostprettygorgeousexturkeygunmandudeeverandIwannahaveyourbabiesliekrightnow."

The entire planet collectivelly blinked and rewinded the blond's comment.

Sephiroth was the first to get it, and he broke from his beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty trance to grow all big-eyed and put on his 'awwwwwwwwwwwww' face (it was weird, but somehow Sephiroth still looked smexy as all hell).

"Huh?" Vincent (who was not as quick as he acted) asked.

"I think your the absolute mose pretty, gorgeous ex-turk-" Cloud began and was interupted by Vincents lips on his own.

"Bishie love," Marlene squealed, having appeared from nowhere, Denzel at her side (and unfortuanately super-glued to her hand in a completely unrelated incident) and Tifa standing behind her.

Sephiroth proceeded to sit down and start writing invitations to the wedding squee-ing something like, "A wedding's even better then a reunion!"

Vincent and Cloud embraced romantically, cliche'd smiles in place.

Then there was a slow but steady pause that overtook the group. They all turned as one, to see.

Tifa standing there... looking beautiful, emotionless and somehow angsty.

... and then (as Jaffa feared the complete strike mere sentences before the ending) she was gone... lets call it 'howtolearnthediffrencebetweenTOTALLYREALLYJUSTPLAYINGHARDTOGETandGAY-ucation' (whip crack)

And Cloud and Vincent lived happily-ever-after... without the bugs and insects and FAAAAR away from the snooty glow-in-the-dark, and just-as-snooty-no-glow-in-the-dark trees.

Yeah...

**x.o.x.o**

_LOVE YOU JACQUI!!! -smooches-_

_-cries hysterically- the long, and somewhat pointless journey of fun is now over... and I must work on your b-day present now. Mayhaps I can finish it in time for my computer's comeback 3_

_With love, cookies, and mucho bishie-love-quotes,_

_Your friend Jaffa_

_xoxoxo_

_(and yes, I still demand to be allowed to stalk you)_


End file.
